The problem with dating in america

I can understand your discouragement. I guess that you may need to refine your social skills a bit. For example, if you feel awkward, it could be you come off that way. Sometimes we have to "fake it till we make it" by acting more confident than we feel. It's also possible you need a man make-over. You'd be surprised how much a good haircut, cool clothing, and good shoes will make you feel. Whatever you do, don't ever give up asking women out. There is someone out there for you. If you have to slow it down for a time while you learn how to be more comfortable in your own skin, then so be it.

You might want to take a karate class, or something along those lines, to help give you the boost of confidence you need. Whatever you do, stand with your shoulders back and go tackle this thing. You can do it! What about men who have been wronged, hurt, betrayed, physically abused, and more? Do they not deserve a good woman? They usually stop "hunting. Anyone who has been physically abused will certainly "have their walls up. But to answer your question, some men do stop hunting, at least for a time.

However, quitting the "hunt" for life is not a solution to their problems. Recognizing warning signs of bad behavior in others would be a far superior course to take to have then the capacity to recognize the good woman. As for men who have been wronged, hurt and betrayed, that has also happened to practically, if not all women I've ever met. She may have stopped dating for a while, but not for life. My point is that I don't let men off the hook for the same thing because I know they can be happy with the right person.

But to answer your question: Yes, men who have been physically or emotionally abused deserve better.


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Once they become honest with themselves and what they're doing to keep attracting bad women all the time, things will change dramatically. The same goes for women. Think of dating has an intricate dance. She either decides to accept your lead, believing that your goal is to care about her, or she doesn't.

That is not to say that a woman should not show her interest in you. In fact, she most certainly can and should If you, as a man, spend too much time thinking about the legal ramifications of asking a woman out on a date, you're going to miss out on life. Most women don't want to ruin your life. Almost always, she wants love and fidelity as much as you do.

Your goal is to work on yourself so that, if necessary, you can recognize "red flags" before you become emotionally involved with a woman who isn't right for you. Why do you exclude Asians? Why didn't you include them? To comment on this article, you must sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. That;s funny, because women are tired of drama, childishness and infidelities. Thank you, Punisher, for choosing not to date. That's one less immature man any woman has to deal with.

And since you haven't figured it out, all women are not looking for providers only. They're looking for love. By the way, part of being a man is that you provide for your loved ones. That doesn't mean that providing is all a man is good for. Healthy relationships exist, but only when both parties have their "stuff" together. You're not there yet. I pray one day you will be, but you'll have to grow up before that can happen. The writer, just like most women, have displayed her lack of comprehension towards that situation. The "equality" that females are so thirsty, just apply in their favor, but when its time to split a bill, they claim its men's responsibilities to be "providers".

So, we woke up from such nightmares. Thanks for stopping by. To answer your question, a gatherer is simply a man who allows the woman to provide for him or to do all the work when it comes to initiating and maintaining relationships. He is a free love guy who has no staying power as a mate. His motto is "easy come, easy go. You, on the other hand, sound like someone who tries to be a gentleman and who has manners. That is the opposite of the gatherer.

As for your awkwardness is social situations, don't give up. The more you practice, the more confident you become. We all start out with little finesse, but time and practice does improve our techniques.

So very often I was made fun of by my method of approaching women. I also wore glasses and was chubby so that made things worse. I am not a leach that free loads and has no sense of what responsibility means. Yes I lost my father at a young age but had other male figures. I'm truly happy that you have your dogs and other interests. The key is to keep doing things that make you feel happiness. I also love that you're an "old-fashioned" guy.

They're the best kind. However, you've taken 5 years off of dating. Consider it a hiatus that has now come to an end. You're at a great age to get "back on the horse" and begin dating again! Seriously, you don't want to be 58 and lonely. It's not a good plan. Also, I've probably met TWO whole people in my life who actually like to date or like seeking someone to date.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs or frogettes, in your case. So seriously, Rainmaker, you can't get what you need unless you put a lot of effort into getting it. And most men are much, much better off with a wife and family. That is a statistical fact. And obviously, anything worth getting takes effort to get. You simply have to realize that there is definitely somebody for everyone, including you! So I implore you, make an effort to find that special person. Once you do, your life will be even better than it is now. One day, you could have a beautiful child of your own to raise and love with your wife, your partner, your helpmate.

Good marriages still exist, but they take common sense and common goals to be successful. I have no doubt you can find your perfect love one day as long as you try. I'm cheering for you Rainmaker. It's time for you to get out of your comfort zone once and for all, and find that woman who is looking for someone exactly like you.

I see these ideas in this article as obvious sadly, many, possibly even most don't. Modern ideas of what men and women are screw up everything. No wonder divorce is so high. So many men I know including myself have completely stopped dating. I haven't been on a date since and have no prospects and have not even looked.

I'm sure there are great women out there but they're incredibly hard to find and I just don't want to look anymore. Honestly, I'm happier now than since I was a kid I'm I have my interests I pursue and my dogs and I guess I no longer need or desire a girlfriend. I know I'm far from perfect but I am a gentleman and maybe a little above average looking and I really tried for years and I guess I ran out of interest. If I think about trying to date now, I just feel like its some horrible job I have to do and the desire disappears very fast. Im old fashioned and when I did date, I didn't treat women like this article describes but I still just didn't enjoy it.

I guess I just never found the right one. If I could find the right one, I'm sure it would be great its just the looking I no longer want to do. Like sucks then you die. Cackus, I am going to ignore your suicide theory for now because it is way too broad! However, I will say that Hussey is a dating coach who tries to help women, and who definitely speaks from a man's perspective. Basically, he teaches women how to act so that men will chase and want the woman more. Yes, he has used to word "chase" in a positive way.

He's a little bit of a jerk sometimes, but not in a rotten way. Hussey is actually a proponent of making sure the woman knows how to make the man want more. As for myself, I do believe that it is okay for women to get the ball rolling, so to speak, but she has to do so in a savvy, non-desperate manner. That is what Hussey is proposing, as far as I can tell. I had to come back here and post a link because he so simply puts what a lot of men have tried to say here in this thread. That's a lot of very unhappy men out there.

Hello Mroadmaster, Interesting comments you've made here. I cannot deny your observations as relevant, particularly with regard to highly successful women who prefer not to marry "below" them, so to speak. I would simply add that, for centuries, women were not given the capacity to contribute to the home financially as high income earners unless she had a rich daddy and so this new cultural shift, in which women have the chance to climb to the top of the financial ladder, is a relatively new phenomenon.

Why American-ized Dating Is Screwing Up Our Marriages

Consequently, having scratched her way to the top, it is natural for the woman to expect the man to have the same ability. Otherwise, she cannot relate to him or view him as an adequate "hunter. But just to clarify, the "gatherers" I refer to in this article are simply men who are similar to the hippies of old, who basically let women do most of the work. That "work" today translates into allowing the women to pursue him. He just likes things easy. The reality is that most women still earn average salaries and most men can match that easily. The 60's sexual revolution, created by both men and women, has created a cultural shift, but the cat's out of the bag now and we just have to deal with it as best we can.

For my part, I continue to be the same person I always was, that is to say, a feminine woman who has self respect and who makes her own way. She has surpassed many of them. While many men may indeed be choosing a path that is less ambitious, women also have changed the landscape simply by moving through it and changing their vantage point.

You are right to advise women to look for a better quality mate, but for the successful women that pool is ever shrinking. Women likely will not do so. This places the men in the top quartile in tremendous demand. As noted here in other comments, men now see great risk in marriage and its potential fallout as do many women.

Additionally it will leave many women behind. Your advice, while sound, will likely mean a fair number of women just squeezed out of the game. It seems that is the advice you are espousing. Not all will make it to a status or even an attitude appealing to women. They are now a byproduct of an ever shifting culture. Yes, College guy, live your life. But Smarmy's advice to wait for the woman to ask you out is so bad, I hardly know where to begin. It is as if he is denying basic biology. Men and women have different paradigms in that there exists the male biology and the female biology.

To ignore this reality is beyond foolish. If a woman asks you out and takes charge in every sense, she is actually viewing you as someone she can control. This is no small feat given the fact that men often need to be reigned in by the natural instincts of the woman. My point is this: Each sex has it's own unique strengths. To deny biological facts, or to forcefully try to change reality, is a fool's game.

In all areas of our lives, we need to play to our strengths. That's just a fact of life. Long story short, College guy, and Smarmy if you wait for the woman to ask you out and to act like the man, you will be sorely disappointed. If asking women out isn't working for you why would you keep doing it? It's obviously causing you stress. Go on with your life, if you spend it wondering why you are always single you will miss out and make yourself miserable.

Obviously the right girl for you will be the one to ask you out. Thank you for the nugget of truth, Paula. I agree wholeheartedly with your Dad, and I hope the college student has a chance to read your comment. I feel badly for young people who feel compelled to give up, knowing full well there is someone out there who will mesh with them just right.

Yves, I just happen to read a question the "college student" left for you. I vividly recall a statement my Dad repeated so often: He would often say, "There is "someone special" for every single living person, if they are interested in having a partner. Your kind of guy is the best. I really wish dating for young people or any people, for that matter, didn't have to be so complicated. Some of the negativity is all in our heads. Such a waste of energy. Thanks for stopping by! HI Yves, seems you have a lot of comments on this one. I could not accept your recent comment.

The tweets contained some unacceptable languagethis time from women. I have no further comment in this instance. Cavill also said this: My take is that Cavill was sympathizing with guys who have to deal with hard-line feminists a nd confusing rules about dating. I do not blame him for being so forthright. In fact, I rather liked his honesty. But the fact is, Cavill is an old-fashioned guy.

He is likely to maintain his preference of being the lead in the dance of romance which, by the way, has absolutely nothing to do with disrespecting women. Quite the opposite, in fact.. But let's face it, most women would be happy to date Cavill. Also, most women will never have the chance to do so, especially if she denies her feminine instincts.

Yves, I would ask how you would respond to Henry Cavill Actor who plays the current superman. He is then forced to apologize after this simple statement of self preservation threatens the exact consequences he is afraid of, a reputation and career ending mob called twitter. Some of which fell just short of saying outright that he is a rapist. Many implied it saying things like "is Henry Cavill's idea of flirting raping women" Jennifer Wright Author. No one should have to pursue anyone as that puts the pursued in a superior position and that is no way to start an equal relationship.

If a women likes a man she should say so, men should as well. Unfortunately a small minority of sleezebag men who go around hitting on every women they see define all men. The result is an environment where it's a legally and morally questionable act for a man to initiate a relationship or even express interest. I wonder how many men who aren't MGTOW don't interact with women simply because they don't want to be that guy. They hear their mothers, sisters, GFs etc complain about men looking at them , hitting on them , annoying them etc and learn from an early age that asking women out is a bad thing and that there is something evil about the male sex drive, if not men in general.

It's not just fear of being branded a "creep" like cackus pointed out, but simply trying to be a good person and respect womens right to go through life without unwanted male attention. Women overrate themselves thinking they deserve a George Clooney type when they actually deserve that fat bald guy from Seinfeld. Good point about men being afraid to be men. I see what you mean. Political correctness has exasperated the problem. Also, radical feminists like Linda Gordon, who believed that "the nuclear family must be destroyed" was not doing men or women any favors.

But she got her wish and society is paying for that lunacy today. Women are not happier and obviously, men are unhappy too, given all these confusing non-roles having to do with gender equality. I've always maintained that men and women are different. I admit to getting a bit fed up with my angry male readers who whine like girls, but maybe many of them have good reason to feel undervalued. This article was originally meant to warn women about men who use women and who really don't provide because they are not particularly interested in working.

This problem is particularly prevalent in poor black communities. MGTOW types, on the other hand, tend to be upwardly mobile. Anyhoo, thanks for reminding me that plenty of men have legitimate concerns. And I could concur with how it impacts our generation, one the one ahead or behind us perhaps as well.

But lets be clear, by destroying the 'traditional' roles that women had, we have also eradicated the 'traditional' roles of men. Boys are expected to be like girls in school, boys that draw fights or battles are reported for psychological evaluations even though this has always been normal for boys , boys that want to play rough, or cops and robbers are chastised, disciplined or expelled. Unfortunately in many schools being a boy has become practically illegal. Had I been a child in today's world I would have been expelled ten times over for the things I did, by the time I had reached middle school.

I know this because I have two boys in school, fortunately they are in middle school now but it was a brutal road getting there, my son who is an honor role student two years running at one time was on the verge of being expelled at 6 years old due to the overwhelming stupidity running rampant in our schools and society today. If the men you have come in contact with seem unstable, unbalanced, or unfit for society it might very well be because they are, because that is what our society is churning out these days in a great many parts of America and Europe it is no longer OK to be a man, not in any context you or I remember men being back when we were kids or young adults.

Destroyed for a mistaken look? You've decided to avoid women. I'll give them that. Hope school is going well. Sorry for my late reply but I'm a busy guy between work, school and volunteering I don't have much time. How long ago you learned a hard lesson in life really doesn't matter does it? It's just one example of many that convinced me the current legal and social environment make any sort of relationship with women a perilous and unfulfilling journey.

I know the same situation today could lose me my job, end my career, get me expelled without due process and tried in the court of twitter. But don't worry the worst sorts of men will still be around, they have "game" and have no trouble sleeping around with lots of women spreading SDI's.

I do NOT know you, James.

Why Women Are Frustrated and Confused About Men and Dating

The question mark was meant to be a period. You really should stop with the lecturing and shaming. Unless you can say something else or something useful, I may not accept any more of your posts. At this juncture, you are not adding to the conversation. You're merely being repetitive. You do know me? I think you are mistaking me for someone else. What is it that you believe?

Why Dating in the 21st Century Sucks (and What to do About it) - The Good Men Project

You stated that I don't know you. You are correct about that? Ken, Many successful women are also going their own way, so in that sense, I don't mind if men do the same. The problem I've had with such men is that most of their posts here are really ugly, bordering on pornographic. I can't tell you how many posts I've had to delete for this reason. I've seen their posts on Reddit. Lot's of bad stuff. But to answer your question specifically, I do get how the changes in society are a shock to men.

Men know how to deal with other men in power, but they don't know how to deal with a woman who has the same or greater power in the workplace. Men are very competitive and they resolve things among one another in male ways.

Flirting vs. formally discussing sexual topics

Along comes the woman, and men don't know how to handle her Men are not women. They cannot read our minds. Anyway, the reason I push back with some of these men is because my research has shown that these guys generally do not fare well, psychologically, due to their cynicism. They tend to become bitter in their loneliness. Many replace pornography with real live women. If they become addicts of porn, their brain are affected in serious ways.

Doctors today are reporting that many young men are having serious erectile dysfunction issues due to their porn addiction.

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A real woman cannot satisfy them; they cannot even become aroused by a normal, live woman. On the other side of the coin, some men just want to be left alone to mind their own business. Nevertheless, men generally need women more than women need men. The reason for this is because women tend to discuss their feelings with one another. This type of talk therapy is healing. Men, however, do not express their feelings as readily. As for laws changing to favor women, I am certainly not unhappy about that. Many women have suffered in silence in bad marriages, but they stayed anyway because that is what one did back in the day.

If they left, even after 25 years of marriage, they would be left penniless. So do I blame men for checking out on women? I do if their leaving is based solely upon fear or cynicism. However, if they've dated, loved and lost and now just want to retire alone, I do not blame them. They will likely be lonely. However, that is their choice. Yves, I don't believe there are any advantages to being the man in today's society, the laws and social biases are inherently against him.

Just as 50 years ago and , and 5, they were set in his favor, and it was women who were at a disadvantage. However what went with that 'disadvantage' were all the things that one could call 'patriarchal society' today. Men went out and did the tough jobs mined for coal, farmed the land, died in wars while women controlled the home and raised the children. That was the archetypical way of things for thousands of years. Men protected, men worked, men died, and when men failed at those things the women and children suffered or died.

But one has to consider the context of those times, life was tough, very tough, until a hundred or so years ago. There were no antibiotics, birth control pills, cars or cell phones. Our current 'age of enlightenment' is really very new, and the changes have occurred almost entirely in the span of our lifetimes What we see becoming normalized today would have been considered either insane, or evil, just 50 years ago.

When we see rights movements and marches in favor of legalizing pedophilia, and doing away with 'Father's day' we are not looking any longer at an 'enlightened' civilization, we are looking at one in decline and decay. This is the world young men are traversing these days, and 'going their own way' Great point about the age difference and how our views cannot help but differ. I cringe any time I hear about any woman who deliberately sets up a man.

I'd have to do some research on how often that occurs. Look up more statistics on divorce. What I have learned is that women generally do worse after a divorce. In most cases, she struggles to make a decent living. If she has children, she is usually the primary caretaker. Generally speaking, she does not benefit from the divorce, except that now she is free of her spouse, to a degree.

To your point about political correctness, I am beginning to think it would be well for me to research and write about why MEN are frustrated and confused about women and dating. If I were a chivalrous man, I'm pretty sure I would dislike all women who are offended by my pulling out her chair or opening her door. As a woman, hearing those stories gives me a big headache. I really wish women would stop acting as if they have to be like a man. I've gone off on a tangent a bit, Ken. Thank you for stopping by to add interesting information on the exchange between Sokes and myself.

There are men dragged away by police because their girlfriend or wife called the police and said they were suicidal, even if they are not. There are men arrested for threatening to kill a woman, even if they never did so. I know a man whose wife accused him of rape and assault, in that State all such accusations made by a woman are considered factual unless it can be proven otherwise.

She won custody of the child, and full child and alimony support. She then went on to shack up with her boyfriend that she had on the side, the whole thing had been planned by her. A relationship is similar to playing Russian Roulette, you may get lucky a few times, but sooner or later the more times you pull that trigger, the more likely serious damage is going to result.

I think the watching of it made us both realize just how far our country has fallen into a state of deluded insanity and stupidity. How are they my friends? Why is it my job to reprimand them? If I was a German and I thought the autobahn and Volkswagen were good ideas, does that make me a Nazi? Should a good idea be disregarded because of a crap ideology? Most people who think things through in my opinion are middle of the road James, In agreeing with your MGTOW friends, who shame and demean women, you set yourself up as one who is no different than they are.

So you might want to take your own advice, or better yet, speak to them about their bad behavior. Not once have you reprimanded them. That being said, most of your posts are simple questions and not all of them are shaming, however, your finger pointing is rather off-putting. We've been down this road before. I agree that civil discourse is a positive, but I also recognize leading questions when I see them. I don't have to answer those. On occasion, however, I will choose to answer some questions from the "Reddit team" even though their minds are made up Mostly, I answer for other readers who have more open minds and a better grasp of many facts, not just over-stated, negative bullet points.

Yves, you know nothing about me or my life. It would be nice if you just addressed the points brought up. Oh, and I am in a position to talk about whatever I like, just as you are. You are correct however, that marriage was the glue that kept society together. I don't think you are in a position to talk about veiled shaming. As I mentioned before: Just a few bullet points:. No fault divorce makes marriage a joke It is too easy to leave your spouse for trivial reasons. There is no for better or worse You are correct that marriage the way it used to be was a good thing, however; what it has become is far from good.

I guess all a man has to do is find a good woman I never tire of your encouragement. All of us on Hubpages are incredibly lucky to have you. Your response to "Sokes12" is pure genius. It's long overdue that you hop on the public speaking stage! My response is for those who might be interested, but not necessarily for you…. On your assertion that single mothers cannot raise boys: On the other hand, two bad parents are still going to raise an unhealthy child. But that is a whole other topic. As for mothers teaching children to be themselves, that isn't the dreadful thing you make it out to be.

A good mother will also teach their children to follow through on their plans and take responsibility for their lives. That way, the child can do what they love and still make a living. Why get close to women or marry, you ask? Well, the choice is yours. You can remain single your entire life if you wish to do so.

In any event, marriage is a positive construct. Marriage holds societies together. Once a marital commitment is made, the couple is less likely to walk away over something trivial. They begin to enjoy making long-term plans. The male becomes committed to the family; he takes pride in his offspring, he enjoys the home life that only a loving woman can create; he feels more motivated to move upward in his career for the sake of the family. Men may have a son to carry on the family name, which is something he takes pride in.

Also, he can count on his wife to be there when he is sick or in the hospital. However, a single man who refuses to marry because he wants to hold on to his money, will likely wind up in a nursing home with no one excuse my French to wipe his sorry ass. But a wife will do that and so much more.

In times like those, a good woman may not seem like such a liability after all. In fact, the influence of a good woman makes the man a happier and more well-rounded person. Most women work outside of the home, plus they have the babies, do most of the caretaking, the cooking and the decorating. She likely has a hobby. You might risk falling in love, God forbid.

Frankly, the free sex thing will be a thing of the past. Truth is, married men tend to be healthier because his wife sees to his health , he tends to be wealthier because he is motivated by his family. Single men, on the other hand, generally do not fare as well. They tend to become quite lonely and unmotivated. What a sad way to live. Even though times have changed, good men and women exist, and they absolutely value commitment and fidelity.

The choice is yours. Both men and women have the power to make better choices. Neither sex has anyone to blame but themselves. Just ask the guy if he was raised by a single mom, if he says yes then move on. Women cannot raise good men, they don't understand the rules of male society. Mothers who tell their sons to 'be themselves' and 'try your hardest' are the cause of these weak men. That's now how it works for men. It's do or die. You wouldn't understand that because the government gives you everything you need if you don't have it. Also there's nothing confusing about not wanting to date someone in general.

Sex is free and easy these days and the laws are tilted against men so why get close if you never plan on marrying? What does dating as a man really even mean? He's gotta pay for stuff. That's it, all that's left. His friends are closer to him than you'll ever be and he only sees them on the weekends. You don't have a hobby, you don't know how to cook, you don't do anything but play on your phone. You bring nothing to the table. What exactly do women have to offer as a long term partner? That's the key part that you just don't seem to be able to answer.

The author is right about the 'free love thing'. Bottom line, you're a liability long term. Only women can fix this, which means it won't ever be fixed because it'll be a cold day in hell before they take collective responsibility for this crap culture they've created. This is your mess. Frankly, men won a level you can never comprehend with the feminist movement. You didn't free women, you freed men. Because it was really men who were the slaves. They fought the wars, they worked 16 hour days in dangerous factories so you can shop all day and get your nails done. And then you called that oppression.

Ok ladies, here you go. Here's all the bullshit, now deal with it. But let's be real, if you could deal with it you would be doing something other than talking. She's mad, her friends are mad the teacher called me into his office and I hear words like "harassment" and "inappropriate". I'm now the school pariah, groups of guys wait for me after school I get beaten up several times. Girls look at me like I'm hitler. Teachers all my teachers were women treat me like scum. My grades drop from straight A's to failing most classes.

I never eat lunch at school again. Some "good" guys who don't ask are not that good. Some of them resent women in that they view her as having all the power, and that she intends to use that power to destroy their lives. Such thinking is skewed, to say the least. The good news is that not all guys are users; they want love as much as women, and they value womankind mostly because they had wonderful mothers. We have to guard ourselves against becoming overly pessimistic.

But yes, dating isn't always easy. Some bad guys can be so charming when they want to use you and after a while you only see the bad ones caus they are the only ones putting themselves out there while the guys you want aren't even trying. After a while it seems like all the guys are bad cause the good onse are hiding. There are two sides to the equation, no doubt. It's a shame when the more sensitive guys feel like they have to walk on eggshells around women. And I do feel for guys who get rejected all the time.

That being said, I'll never excuse the guy who uses women. Neither do I have any respect for women who do the same thing. I truly appreciate your having shared your insight on your brothers. It goes to show that not all men are not the same. We have good, bad and in-betweenin all sexes. Nevertheless, these are confusing times due to all the role reversal and mixed messages.

Thank you for stopping by to add to the conversation. I'd have to check on the classroom training. I know people in education. Hadn't personally heard if it is that bad, but I'll ask. I got three brothers the oldest is just like you say. The youngest got all messed up by this chick. I think he's one of those mgto guys now but he's a good guy and just keeps to himself.

My twin brothers a sweethart but he's so nice he'll never get anyone. He's the smartest and best looking but I don't think he's ever had a GF. He's so afraid of offending a girle he won't even look at them. The one we all had to go in orientation was plan scary, make you think every guy there was out to rape you and that the campus is a war zone and the guys are on the wrong side. The male female ratio in Kenya has been dropping since This doesn't seem like a big ratio but as a population it represents tens of thousand of people.

So it "seems" like women seriously outnumber men but in fact because women live longer there are actually more men under 30 then women. Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing information about your country. Thought the hunting and gathering mostly for women happens only in my country but i think the population of men to women is low perhaps ratio of 1: In most big cities around the world, "hooking up" is not uncommon; consequently, your supposition is incorrect, as are many of your conclusions.

Nevertheless, you decided to vent. I've allowed it this time even though I don't agree with most of what you have said here. I agree with you on your statement with the free loving 60s and the problems it's brought in relationships. With that, male and females are so irresponsible with their own sexual energy it has brought a sharpe decline in relationships. If it's easier to walk away with less resistance why wouldnt You? Women may hold the keys to sex, but Men hold the keys to a relationship and commitment.

With the free access to sex and the financial risks of divorce why would any sane Man ever commit? Look at dating overseas and you will notice that the Western values of hooking up is not present. Men act like Men and Women act like Women. Courtship actually takes place and it's rare you see 1 night stands. In our Western society you can snap your fingers. Our society in the West promotes this type of behavior. Sex in the city, tinder etc. Even look at how people hold themselves in public. The obesity rate for both Male and Females is horrific in the West but we think we're entitled to a 10 when we are a 5 at best.

The issue is plain and simple. It's not one gender that is the problem it's both. It's each individual not holding themselves to a high standard with no self control. I think the sentence you offered is fine. She might think you're gay, but that doesn't really matter, unless it matters to you. The point is to be direct and to also say something nice, which you have done. Short and sweet is the way to go.

Your goal is to make her understand that you will never be available. On the other hand, if she really is nice and pretty, why not try dating her? But if you are dead set against dating for the rest of your life, then best to let her go so that she doesn't retain hope that you might have a change of heart.

Frankly, I get so many vile comments from men, I am forced to delete most of them. I don't wish to hurt this women, she seems like a really nice person and we have a lot in common, but I understand that in todays world it's best if men and women just go their own way WGTOW? I was going to tell her, "You're nice and I think you are really pretty but I've given up on any relationships with women. She's a very attractive young women so I think she won't be to hurt by this as I'm sure she gets plenty of offers.

I have no wish to hurt anyone, I'm just doing what I feel I must to protect myself. It's a sad fact of life in modern america but avoiding women is simply a matter of self preservation. A fantasy life is no life. Dating is not for the faint of heart. I'll give you that, Smarmy. Now you have a group of mostly young men who were quite literally raised on the notion of "Is this a fair game or should I stop playing it? Women have gotten frustrated because a lot of men are catching on, a lot of women ONLY want equality when it benefits them and people really have no clue on why men approached women back in the day.

I mean would you invite a friend out to dinner if you had no money to pay for it? Now back when men had all of the economical and political power and wealth , they had a obligation to take care of women since they had barred them from obtaining wealth and power so approaching, asking out ad paying for dates was one of the responsibilities that men had to shoulder because of the inequality that benefited them mainly. Now that men can have shared the political , social, economical power with women And that's a good thing women don't want to share any of the responsibility in dating at all with men , they believe in equality until the dinner check comes, when it comes to approaching, asking out.

Your commented is thoughtful. This piece refers to one type of man only and how some women have enabled them, and why they should stop doing that. I do not recommend women be "locked into one dimension and forsake endeavors While being feminine, I am not a "pink" girl. That is why I speak forthrightly about certain types of men, some of whom do live in a "dark shadow.

But really, my article was meant to refer to changes since the 's. Social psychologist indicate that women are much less happy in dating these days. I've merely touched upon this fact. As for the blame game, sometimes we have to talk about unpleasant truths. This article would be disingenuous if I merely highlighted the positive. I've left that for other articles I've written. Anyway, you have a point, though it is a bit idealistic in this particular case.

But I hear you and I am contemplating writing about the frustrations that men experience in dating in another article. I am a woman and I can say I find this piece to be a disservice to both men and women. I understand your point, but I find that even the most well intentioned message meant to empower one group will take on an unattractive hue when its background has been painted by a broad brush dipped in blame and generalizations of another group.

I'm not saying some men can't foster the attitude you wrote about. I'm also not saying that some women can't read messages like this to mean they are entitled to utter devotion for the mere fact they are women. In essence, women can just as easily foster the same entitled attitude. Yes, I said it. Please tell me why it's so wrong for men to think they are special for no other reason than being men, yet it came across to me the concept was that women are special simply because they are women? I think we are both different and unique. Even if complementing each other was mentioned at the end, articles slanted in a certain direction on this topic tend to generate hostility, further widening the gap between men and women.

Bad behavior is bad behavior, regardless of whether it is perpetrated by men or women. Men not valuing women, for whatever reason, is bad behavior. Women not valuing men, for whatever reason, is bad behavior. It did not escape me that you wrote not all men are like the gatherers you described. What didn't escape me either was that it appeared to come across to assume all women, except doormats in league with gatherers, are perfect as is. And yes, I read your one comment that both men and women are flawed, but that's not the impression I got from the article itself.

Just so you know, I would take the same exception if this article had been reversed and women were blamed and men propped up. I am absolutely in favor of both men and women valuing themselves and each other. It only stands to reason if you value yourself someone else is going to have a mighty hard time devaluing you.

I just don't think the way to send the message to value yourself is to devalue another group in print. Instead of focusing the blame on gatherer mentality as the problem for relationship woes, has it ever occurred to you that the real problem, not the solution, is perpetuating the idea that men and women are to be locked into rigid roles based on societal constructs for what is masculine and what is feminine? Would it not be more constructive and productive to acknowledge there are differences, but those differences are not without give and take? Also, before the wheels start turning, I will throw in that I am quite feminine in appearance for societal standards and am versed in what constitutes typical feminine behavioral characteristics.

However, that does not mean I will be locked into one dimension and forsake endeavors that might appear to compromise my femininity. I am tired of being inundated by messages that have an undercurrent that only adds to the division between men and women based on some notion that if you don't follow the pink and blue paradigm set forth by self-appointed powers that be looking to capitalize on informing you of your shortcomings and how to fix them They play the blame game, point fingers, and highlight what is negative instead of what is positive.

It's a brilliant business model, to say the least. They promote the idea that you have to always be on guard for the "evil other side". Both men and women take turns being the evil one depending on who wrote the article. This article happened to cast men in the dark shadow. Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.

Joe Masters is a researcher, writer, and enthusiast in the small but intriguing world of pheromones. Over the last few years, he has been writing a blog called House Of Pheromones and advises men on relationships, dating, and self-improvement. If you are interested in learning more, please visit https: This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Unfortunately with the kind of women that are out there these days certainly has made it suck for many of us men trying to meet a decent normal one now.

How about we start talking about women always looking for an upgrade on tinder and similar sites? My insecurity comes from being rejected since I was 5. They would get treated better if the choose guys like me who would appreciate them more. Anyone, man or woman, trying to tell you it is, is usually trying to sell you something.

So, your solution to the problem of men is to encourage men to be more gender-conforming. And developing the same abundance mentality that PUAs talk about. How is this progressive in any way shape or form? I think you are mistaken about what Joe was saying. Whereas if you focused on your own life, and opened up which also allows you to get hurt men would find it more fulfilling at the end of day.

Otherwise, competition would be much tougher and i had to put much more effort.


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