For a man, an older partner is a constant reminder of his own age.
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He cannot pretend he's still thirty when he's waking up next to a fifty-year-old woman. A younger partner is life-affirming. She helps to stave off his own fear of aging and mortality.
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If a man can wake up next to a woman a decade or two younger, he can convince himself that he is still young. Interestingly, because we women have 'internalised the male gaze', the opposite can be true for us.
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We don't see ourselves reflected in our partner, per se; we see ourselves reflected in our partner's eyes. If our partner sees us as young and hot, we see ourselves as young and hot. If he sees us as aging and undesirable, we internalise that, too. A man is only as young as the woman he feels, but a woman is only as young as a man sees her to be.
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We women assimilate men's attitudes and channel them into our own panic about getting older, so our fear of aging is far more visible. But perhaps men fear aging just as much, or more than, us. And perhaps if men were less afraid of their own mortality, they wouldn't gravitate towards younger women, and older women would retain their social value. Now, I'm not saying that every May-December relationship is born of a fear of death, any more than every other relationship is born of true compatibility. But it is worth deconstructing the unconscious forces behind our choices, particularly when they impact so profoundly on self esteem and social status.
If we all focused on accepting the finite nature of life, and of valuing every stage of our lives, perhaps we would find ourselves making different decisions.
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We would certainly enhance the lives and relationships we have now, particularly the relationships with ourselves. And it wouldn't be so shocking when a middle-aged man dates an older, rather than younger, woman.
That would be a welcome change. This morning when I opened my email I had a question about writing something for older men giving them ideas about where they can go to specifically meet women who are looking for older men. Even though I immediately thought of some great places where women hang out to potentially meet older men….
I was quickly brought back into the reality that giving you advice about where to go at the onset of this article would be a bad idea…a very bad idea! As men get older, we tend to look at dating slightly differently than when were a horny little teenager. But our views on relationships and attraction tend to morph. As women get older their attractiveness tends to diminish where as men tend to become more attractive. Women have it great the first half of their lives.
When they are young they have all of the sexual options they can handle. They are in their prime and can have sex as much as they want. As she gets older, the amount of sexual options she has decreases. The firmness of their bodies disappears…and so on….
We are viewed as having more wealth, being more established in life, sexually experienced, more emotionally stable, attractive, refined, confident and so on…. All of these attributes are a huge turn on for women! Women gain interest in older men.
No matter where women are, what age they are, what environment they are in, they will always be attracted to an older man! That is the only reason why an older woman will chose a younger man over an older man for an adventure between the sheets. Regardless of that fact, both older and younger women will still find an older man sexier and more desirable in general.
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I use my age to advantage every chance I can and believe me, I sleep with a lot of 19, 20 and 21 year old women. Every young woman has sexual fantasies about an experienced older man! Women are submissive by nature, and who better to be submissive with than an older man?